there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
