Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
