After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
