K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
