I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
