After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
