I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
