Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
