Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
