You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
