I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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