what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
