I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
