the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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