Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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