a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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