I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
