So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
