I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
