i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Can I color on your dick again?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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