Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
