I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
