Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
