ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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