I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
