it's like iHOP with fire
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
