I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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