I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
