how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Come share oat with me in your robe
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
