So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
