apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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