He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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