I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
