We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
