if i can run in heels then i can drive
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
