I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
