What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
