Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I will pee on everything he values.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
