You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
