hell yes lets make some ravioli
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
