I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
