He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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