Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
handjob tips. give me some.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
