Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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