its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
