I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Even my vagina gasped.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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