I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
