hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
