Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Randomize
