Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
