Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
