im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Will exercising make me less horny?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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