Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
